Depression can become like a cloud filtering a sunny day.
Cobain once sang "the sun is gone" while Morrison lamented "summer's almost gone". The end result is a powerlessness, which holds us back from becoming truly alive.
Where does our sadness come from?
While depression can have a biological basis, Dr David Burns in his book Feeling Good argues depression can arise from erroneous thinking and we can avoid needless gloom by controlling our negative attitudes.
In fact, Dr Burns is convinced most types of depression are caused by thoughts, and new thoughts are a way to fix them.
The phenomenon of automatic thoughts, which can drive our moods and rule our attitudes, was discovered by his senior colleague, Dr Erin Beck.
"If people could be taught to identify and stop negative thoughts, they experienced long-term relief"
On one occasion, Beck was listening to a patient who was angrily criticising him. In the midst, he asked his patient what he was feeling. The patient responded: "I'm feeling very guilty."
The patient told Beck he was having two parallel streams of thought. One stream criticised Beck. The other stream criticised himself. The exact same time he was telling Beck off, he had also thought "I shouldn't have said that."
Dr Beck came to conclude, after much more research, parallel thoughts are common to nearly everyone and we are barely aware of it. Cobain once sang "I am my own parasite. We feed off each other". Monroe learned to switch on a smile, but never learned to switch off her sadness.
Beck discovered our negative stuff is usually pretty specific, like "I'm no good" or "I'm unwanted". He found negative thoughts come first and yucky feelings follow close behind. He also found if people could be taught to identify and stop negative thoughts, they experienced long-term relief.
In conclusion, Beck and Burns believe:
1. Our moods are created by our thoughts. The way we feel is because of any thoughts we are having.
2. When we feel depressed, it's because our loudest thoughts are negative doomy, gloomy ones. We believe life really is as bad as we feel.
3. The negative thoughts nearly always have hugely distorted and exaggerated nastiness, such as "NOBODY loves me" or "I never do anything right". The Old Book says "as a man believes in his heart, so he shall be". The chorus in one Nirvana song is a repeated "I think I'm dumb. I think I'm dumb. I think I'm dumb." Morrison once said he thought of himself like a shooting star; spectacular, short-lived and self-destructing.
What do you do when most of your thoughts are sad ones?
To remember:
1. Firstly, remind yourself your feelings are not facts. While you can't control your feelings, you can control what you do with them.
2. And secondly, face your hugely distorted and exaggerated nastiness. That NOBODY loves you is probably a lie... maybe one person didn't show you love when you needed it. That you never do anything right is also likely a lie... perhaps someone else received more attention for one achievement.
The shortened lives of Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain make us painfully aware of a kind of sadness driven by lies. We never, ever should trust feelings of despair.
"They were each meant for more than they could have imagined, and so are you"
Marilyn was beautiful, and not only a body. There was much, much more to her. Jim was not made for spectacular self-destruction. Kurt was not dumb; he was brilliant. They were each meant for more than they could have imagined, and so are you.
What are you thinking about now?
